Tuesday, June 28, 2011
June Giveaway: TIKKR watch winner is...
The winner of the TIKKR watch for my June giveaway is...
Mel from Doctorly Fashion!
Random.org List Randomizer:
There were 28 items in your list. Here they are in random order:
- mel.doctorlyfashion@gmail.com
Outfit Post - Guilt: Nobody's Fault But My Own
Allow me to being this post with a description of my typical evening routine. I have put my children to bed and returned lingering toys to their rightful home. I change into an ancient oversized tee, remove my jewelry, take out my contacts, wash my face, and turn on my bedside lamp. My Kindle waits patiently on my bedside table. I climb into the warm, welcoming embrace of my bed, pull the covers up to my chin, and settle in for what I hope to be a solid night's sleep.
It starts innocently enough. I have a new book to read. A book which cost twelve bucks for my Kindle. Did I really need to spend money on a new book? I shouldn't have done that. The library is a few miles down the road, and I probably could've borrowed the book for free. We're trying to save money for a family vacation and here I am, sabotaging those plans. And what about the money I spent on thrifting this week? And the money that went towards a new swim suit at Target? That was wrong too. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I feel terrible. I am a terrible, horrible, irresponsible person. I can't do anything right.
Before I know it, it's one am and I'm no closer to falling asleep than I was when I first got into bed.
This is only one example of the guilt I carry around with me. Truthfully, I feel guilty all the time. I feel guilty about that extra slice of pizza I scarfed down at dinner. I feel guilty for skipping a run last night. I feel guilty for not taking my kids to museums more often, for not keeping a perfectly clean house, for spending too much time on the computer, for speeding on the highway. No matter the offense, you can bet my conscious is paying for it.
Ninety-six percent of women feel guilty at least once a day, and sometimes as much as four times a day. My guilt attacks tends to come at night, when I have time to ruminate on all the ways in which I've screwed up. Guilt is defined as a feeling of culpability for offenses. When we feel responsible for an action we regret, those feelings translate into guilt. Guilt says "I've done something wrong, or made a mistake" and is often combined with remorse. (Note: Guilt and shame are often confused. Shame says "I am a mistake" and is a toxic, harmful emotion that eats away at your self-esteem. Guilt concerns what you did; shame is a judgment about who you are.)
Guilt serves its purposes sometimes. It helps us know when things are morally amiss in our lives, and can trigger the desire to make amends. But women take guilt to a whole new level. Women feel guilty because we can't be successful career professionals, perfect students, glamorous girlfriends with perfect bodies, style icons, and public servants all at the same time. Instead of noticing the good we do, we let the things we can't do immobilize us until we feel guilty most of the time. Symptoms of this mindset include:
Susan Carrell, author of Escaping Toxic Guilt, said: "Women feel guilt when they don’t think they are being good enough in their various roles – especially as wife, mother and daughter. That’s because familial, cultural and religious tenets teach women that being “good” is the most important thing. When a woman feels she is not putting another first, she quickly feels like she’s doing something bad, and then guilt rushes in." Women are more likely than men to internalise faults and admit to feeling guilty because “I am stupid", "I am a failure", and "I can't do anything right."
Guilt is a useless, toxic emotion, and serves only to shame us and point out our flaws. The only way around it is to give ourselves permission to be human. That means accepting our mistakes and refusing to allow them to define who we are.
Now it's your turn: Do you struggle with feeling guilty? What are some things you often feel guilty about? Where do you think your issues with guilt stem from? Has guilt impacted your relationships?
It starts innocently enough. I have a new book to read. A book which cost twelve bucks for my Kindle. Did I really need to spend money on a new book? I shouldn't have done that. The library is a few miles down the road, and I probably could've borrowed the book for free. We're trying to save money for a family vacation and here I am, sabotaging those plans. And what about the money I spent on thrifting this week? And the money that went towards a new swim suit at Target? That was wrong too. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I feel terrible. I am a terrible, horrible, irresponsible person. I can't do anything right.
Before I know it, it's one am and I'm no closer to falling asleep than I was when I first got into bed.
This is only one example of the guilt I carry around with me. Truthfully, I feel guilty all the time. I feel guilty about that extra slice of pizza I scarfed down at dinner. I feel guilty for skipping a run last night. I feel guilty for not taking my kids to museums more often, for not keeping a perfectly clean house, for spending too much time on the computer, for speeding on the highway. No matter the offense, you can bet my conscious is paying for it.
Ninety-six percent of women feel guilty at least once a day, and sometimes as much as four times a day. My guilt attacks tends to come at night, when I have time to ruminate on all the ways in which I've screwed up. Guilt is defined as a feeling of culpability for offenses. When we feel responsible for an action we regret, those feelings translate into guilt. Guilt says "I've done something wrong, or made a mistake" and is often combined with remorse. (Note: Guilt and shame are often confused. Shame says "I am a mistake" and is a toxic, harmful emotion that eats away at your self-esteem. Guilt concerns what you did; shame is a judgment about who you are.)
Guilt serves its purposes sometimes. It helps us know when things are morally amiss in our lives, and can trigger the desire to make amends. But women take guilt to a whole new level. Women feel guilty because we can't be successful career professionals, perfect students, glamorous girlfriends with perfect bodies, style icons, and public servants all at the same time. Instead of noticing the good we do, we let the things we can't do immobilize us until we feel guilty most of the time. Symptoms of this mindset include:
- Feelings of inferiority. ''Other women pull all this off, why can't I?''
- Feelings of inadequacy. ''I have no talents, look at so-and-so, she's just so talented, but I can't do anything.''
- Feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. ''Nothing I do really matters, so why try?''
- Feelings of martyrdom. ''All I do is wait on everyone else – my husband, my spouse, my work clients, my children. I never get any me time and if I do, I just feel guilty for taking it.''
Susan Carrell, author of Escaping Toxic Guilt, said: "Women feel guilt when they don’t think they are being good enough in their various roles – especially as wife, mother and daughter. That’s because familial, cultural and religious tenets teach women that being “good” is the most important thing. When a woman feels she is not putting another first, she quickly feels like she’s doing something bad, and then guilt rushes in." Women are more likely than men to internalise faults and admit to feeling guilty because “I am stupid", "I am a failure", and "I can't do anything right."
Guilt is a useless, toxic emotion, and serves only to shame us and point out our flaws. The only way around it is to give ourselves permission to be human. That means accepting our mistakes and refusing to allow them to define who we are.
Now it's your turn: Do you struggle with feeling guilty? What are some things you often feel guilty about? Where do you think your issues with guilt stem from? Has guilt impacted your relationships?
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| Thrifted silk top; thrifted vintage 1950's skirt; H&M sandals; estate sale clutch; Michael Kors rose gold watch; Charming Charlie and forever 21 bracelets |
Get the look:
Monday, June 27, 2011
Home Sweet Home
Ok, not my ‘home sweet home’ per se, but certainly one I’d aspire to. I’m in a decor-induced swoon for this San Sebastián apartment of Spanish interior designer Mikel Irastorza. I love everything about it: the carefully chosen mid-century pieces, the blank-canvas style white walls, the pops of bright colour here and there, the Scandinavian blond wooden flooring. But above all, its absolute sense of individuality! So much to adore here:
visit the site www.mikelirastorzainteriorismo.com and notice how different music for each interior sets the mood.
via trendland.
Outfit Post: Dressing rooms, crying, and why I'm over it.
I'm not big on crying in public. Don't misunderstand - I am perfectly comfortable with expressing emotion. I just prefer to save my crying jags for the privacy of my own home. I occasionally tear up while listening to a heart-wrenching song on the radio, or after watching a sentimental television commercial, or during an affectionate moment with one of my children. I've cried while on the phone with a family member, and am quickly reduced to tears after an argument with my husband. And sometimes I cry for no reason at all. I've experienced those hysterical silent sobs where you can't catch your breathe and are gasping for air while your chest heaves and OH MY GOD I THINK I'M GOING TO DIE, LIKE LITERALLY DIE. I am a lifetime member of the heart-on-sleeve club, and have learned to accept my propensity for tears.
While I consider public crying a no-no, tearing up in dressing rooms is another story. Off the top of my head, I can rattle off six times I've cried in a dressing room:
While I consider public crying a no-no, tearing up in dressing rooms is another story. Off the top of my head, I can rattle off six times I've cried in a dressing room:
- Two weeks ago: Goodwill, Dallas location. J Crew silk babydoll dress. Tag clearly said it was a size zero, but I believed this to be false as the dress had an empire waist, appeared roomy, and J Crew has a propensity towards vanity sizing. Alas, it was accurate. I became a little tearful both in the dressing room AND in my car on the way home.
- Twenty-five years ago: Bloomingdale's lingerie department. My mother had taken me for my first bra fitting. I stood in the dressing room, quaking with fear and trembling with cold (why are dressing rooms always freezing? Are we meant to lose feeling in our extremities when trying on clothes?) Saleswoman emerges with four innocuous-looking training bras. All of which are too small. Saleswoman's reaction: "Hmmm, I'm usually great at judging sizes. But you're much...larger than other girls your age." My mom sighed indifferently while tears rolled down my cheeks.
- Thirteen years ago: Macy's bridal salon. Combed through the racks and found a lace ballgown with a sweetheart neckline, simple crepe bodice, and buttons down the back. Knew immediately after trying it on that it was the dress I was meant to have, and openly wept in my plush virginal-white dressing room. (The bridal attendant calmly handed me a box of Kleenex and went onto the next bride. Apparently this sort of thing happens all the time.)
- Twenty-one months ago, fresh home from a month-long inpatient hospital stay for anorexia, I made the foolish mistake of trying on clothes that swam on me before entering treatment. But this time, everything was too tight. I locked myself in the bathroom for an hour sobbing and gave serious thought to suicide.
- Six weeks ago, Salvation Army, Plano location. Went thrifting with an extremely petite, younger friend. Pulled on a pair of high-waist vintage denim shorts that were exactly like the pair she looked adorable in. The effect was not the same on me.
- Eleven years ago, Motherhood Maternity. Am nine months pregnant, swollen to the point where my only options in footwear are flip-flops, and am shopping for a formal maternity dress. Self explanatory.
Oh, the complexities of being a woman. If we're not thinking about clothes, or buying clothes, or thinking about clothes we want to buy, or trying on clothes, or wishing we fit into our old clothes, we might be crying. Crying because our ex-boyfriend is dating our former best friend; crying because got a bad grade on a paper; crying because we skipped a workout and feel badly about ourselves; crying because we're watching the Notebook and who doesn't cry while watching the Notebook; or crying because those adorable shoes at Anthropologie have not gone on sale yet and WTF Anthropologie???
Women cry, on average, four times as often as men - according to University of Minnesota neurologist William Frey, an average of 5.3 times per month, compared with 1.4 times for men. This isn't just a function of cultural training. Women actually produce far more prolactin, the hormone responsible for milk production that also controls the neurotransmitter receptors in our tear glands. Women’s tear ducts are also anatomically different from male tear ducts, resulting in a larger volume of tears. A propensity to cry is, in part, biologically driven.
I'm hopeful that my days of crying in dressing rooms are on the wane. As I become more accepting of my body, I realize that there are silhouettes that just aren't going to work for me, and that's okay. I will never be a size zero, and that's fine as well. From now on, I'll save the tears for sappy movies and sad songs and heart-tugging moments with my kids. I may occasionally cry at the airport, or the cash register. But crying in a dressing room? Over it.
Have you ever cried in a dressing room? What caused it? Can you remember other times that you've cried in public? Do you consider yourself a crier, or are you more inclined to choking back tears and holding things in?
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| Target tanks; thrifted vintage skirts; Gap sandals; Forever 21 necklaces; Charming Charlie bracelets; Michael Kors rose gold watch |
Like this look? Find similar pieces here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.
Cloudy afternoon ....
jeans: zara,
belt: accessorize,
tank top: new yorker,
blazer: koton,
clutch: tasnarija,
earrings: moschino,
watch: michael kors,
bracelets: h&m,
ring: aldo,
ph: Ceca
Hello girlies, how are you? Are you enjoying in summer? I have great news to share, last week i passed my last exam, and im on a good way to get my master's degree soon! :) That's the main reason for not posting anything these days. But finally, here is new outfit post, combination for coffee break with my lovely friend Ceca on a cloudy afternoon. I chosen to wear stripes with white blazer, and electric blue sandals that matches with new clutch from Tasnarija . Do you like it?
Stižem i donosim opravdanje! ;) Prošle nedelje sam položila i poslednji ispit na masteru, i mogu vam samo reći da je divan osećaj! :) Znam da najviše volite outfit postove, i ponekad je stvarno neizvodljivo slikati se, ali ću se potruditi da ih bude što više u toku leta!
Evo jedne kombinacije sa mojim omiljenim belim blejzerom, prugicama, i Tašnarija torbicom! Veliko hvala Ceci koja me je juče fotografisala, nakon našeg kafenisanja!♥
Nadam se da će vam se dopasti! :)
p.s. hvala svim devojkama koje su rekle da su im moji postovi nedostajali!:*
Sunday, June 26, 2011
City Pants
Hello there! Don’t you find this editorial, shot by Olivia Graham instantly appealing? I love this silhouette: impeccably-cut, wide legged pants in neutral shades; a vibrant accent of bright from shoes or a blazer; lips dabbed with a bold, luscious shade and bang! A sophisticated, urban look is born, spot on for a city girl with loads of style.
Have a happy Monday!
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