Wednesday, May 2, 2012

{Almost daily outfit of the day} Vintage skirts and compressed internal organ syndrome: an overview 5.2.12


Gap Outlet tee; vintage thrifted skirt; thrifted Banana Republic flats; vintage estate sale clutch; Forever 21 and eBay bracelets

Friends, today I would like to introduce you to a terrifying-sounding yet mostly innocuous medical condition called Vintage Skirt-Induced Compressed Internal Organ Syndrome, also known as VSI-CIOS. Symptoms include difficulty breathing, shortness of breath, nausea, the inability to tuck in shirts, and confusion regarding whether the waist size of women in the 60's and 70's was as tiny as clothes of that time suggest.

VSI-CIOS is often a mix of two diseases:
  • Chronic Obstructive Denial: In CID, the patient insists on wearing vintage skirts with waist sizes that do not correlate with their actual waist measurement.
  • Compulsive Thrifting Disorder: Victims of CTD spend an excessive amount of time in thrift stores, despite intervention by friends and family to reduce this time-sucking behavior.
So far, researchers have identified victims of VSI-CIOS as female vintage enthusiasts with the confounding ability to sacrifice physical discomfort for personal style. You might get VSI-CIOS if you have a tendency to to spend an excessive amount of time in thrift stores, find yourself compulsively buying vintage skirts with waists that squeeze and pinch, and irrationally justify their purchase through statements such as "This skirt is Satan's handiwork, but I'm wearing it" and "OH MY GOD I CAN'T BREATHE...but I sure look cute."

There is no known cure for VSI-CIOS, largely because the sweet siren call of a great vintage skirt is hard, if not impossible, to resist. Attempts to come between a vintage enthusiast and her apparel should be regarded as potentially life-threatening and extremely dangerous. 

I confess that today I am a victim of Vintage Skirt-Induced Compressed Internal Organ Syndrome. But when the skirt is this great, I could care less.






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