Everybody, Everywear: Maxi skirt, multiple breakdown

Life is full of mysteries. From Charlie Sheen's breakdown to Donald Trump's hair to socks that inexplicably vanish on the journey from washing machine to dryer, there are a lot of thing I don't understand. And one of those things has been maxi skirts.

The maxi skirt has always been an all-together confusing article of clothing to me. It seemed too voluminous, too sloppy, and not at all suited for anyone less than five feet ten inches tall with a definable figure. I believed maxi skirts were made for those lithe, coltish, gazelle-like creatures I spy shopping at places like Madewell. While these girls could look gorgeous dressed in Hefty bags, they are particularly adept at executing tricky fashion trends while making the rest of us feel pathetic and elementary. Such as the maxi skirt.

I audibly cringed when learning that maxis were "hot" for spring. While leafing through magazines, it seemed every designer had an emotional orgasm while discussing the trend. A maxi is "feminine", "demure," and "elegant." Some went so far as to declare the maxi "effortlessly chic" and "versatile." I learned that, theoretically, one could pair it with a peasant blouse or feather hair extensions for a '70s look, or top it off with a sleek tee and chunky jacket for a boho-chic direction. On warmer days, I might want to pair it with a slim tank and a belt to define my waist. Each magazine stressed that no matter what style maxi I went for, whether floor-grazing and full to slim and ankle-length, dressing up would be easy - I  could just "pull it on and be good to go!"

Readers, this is not the case. Styling my maxi was a struggle in both patience and fortitude. I was unwilling to spend any more time (and money) than necessary hunting down the perfect skirt for this month's Everybody, Everywear challenge, so I decided to work with one I had thrifted weeks ago. I tried sleek tees, and sleeveless tops; belting, and not belting; layered with long cardigans, and tucked into blousey tops; pairing it with sandals, oxfords, and chunky platforms; accessorized with no jewelry, and embellished with tangles of necklaces and bracelets and OH MY GOD GET THIS THING OFF OF ME I LOOK LIKE SNOOKI AAARRRGGGGHHH. Nothing looked right. I felt myself shrinking, widening, and becoming more and more squat.

By trial and error (and a shot of Makers Mark) I figured things out. My vintage silk top, with it's high neckline and graphic pattern, would lend an interesting contrast to my maxi. Paired with a vintage belt and platform booties, the pieces gave me a long, slim line and added six inches to my height.

And suddenly I got it. The maxi can actually be flattering on a short girl like me. And it only took one mental breakdown and a shot of liquor for me to find out. I'd say I made out pretty well.

Vintage thrifted Neiman Marcus silk blouse; vintage thrifted maxi skirt; vintage thrifted belt; NYLA platform booties; vintage thrifted snakeskin clutch; Forever 21 pyramid bracelet

 

And here is where I almost fell on my butt. Those booties are high, y'all.