The other day my husband and I found ourselves in a rip-roaring fight on the phone. He said hurtful things; I countered back with a few digs of my own. Eventually, we realized our fight was getting us nowhere, and we hung up.
Later that evening, as I sat working on a blog post and chewing on the argument, I began to ruminate on everything Id eaten that day. Suddenly, I could feel my thighs expand. My stomach felt bloated and bulging. And my arms, oh good God, how could I have worn a sleeveless shirt with flabby arms like these? I am so, so fat, I decided. I feel fat and gross and disgusting and OH GOD I FEEL TOO FAT TO EVER LEAVE THE HOUSE AGAIN.
I find myself thinking "I feel fat" at least a few times a week. After a twenty battle-year with an eating disorder, my self-esteem is pretty much welded to my body image. When I feel good about myself, when I like who I am, I feel “skinny”. When I make a mistake, when I’m not 100% perfect, I feel “fat”.
Do you ever wonder why it is that you can wake up feeling good about your appearance, but by the end of the day feel certain that you have gained twenty pounds? Sometimes it doesn’t even take all day for the shift in mindset - it can seem to happen in an instant. But usually there's a precipitating event, something that triggered such self-critical thoughts about your body.
One explanation for our reliance on "I feel fat" is that we might not know how to identify feelings other than “fat.”Our culture discourages us from complaining, or otherwise expressing dissatisfaction with aspects of our lives other than our body image. Because of this we may not be comfortable identifying and articulating our feelings. Considering that we learn at a young age that complaining about our bodies is socially acceptable and even encouraged, we may not have a lot of practice identifying feelings other than "fat."
Dr. Stacy Nye a specialist in the field of eating disorders describes this, “Saying I feel fat can often be a common denominator for a variety of powerful forces, especially dysphoric moods.”(Dysphoric = an emotional state characterized by anxiety, depression, or unease.) “The problem comes when a person is unable to decipher these moods and they get condensed into a final common denominator – feeling fat” Says Dr. Nye.
In addition, we might have been so unhappy about our appearance for so long that we see it as the cause of all problems. The explanation for the state of our life might be, "Of course I'm unhappy - I'm so fat." Body dissatisfaction becomes the explanation for the problems in our lives. Though destructive, this narrative may be rooted in an attempt at self-preservation. Our psyches tend to steer us toward things we can tolerate, and away from those which are messy, overwhelming, or threatening. Proclaiming "I feel fat" becomes so routine, so part of our daily monologue, that we aren't even aware of how often we say it.
When I find myself stewing in negative vitriol about my body, I try to step back and take stock. What am I really feeling? Could there be more going on than dissatisfaction with my body? Has something happened to agitate me?
How often do you find yourself complaining that you "feel fat"? Do you find yourself using these words after a stressful event? Or is "I feel fat" part of your routine, everyday dialogue?
Later that evening, as I sat working on a blog post and chewing on the argument, I began to ruminate on everything Id eaten that day. Suddenly, I could feel my thighs expand. My stomach felt bloated and bulging. And my arms, oh good God, how could I have worn a sleeveless shirt with flabby arms like these? I am so, so fat, I decided. I feel fat and gross and disgusting and OH GOD I FEEL TOO FAT TO EVER LEAVE THE HOUSE AGAIN.
I find myself thinking "I feel fat" at least a few times a week. After a twenty battle-year with an eating disorder, my self-esteem is pretty much welded to my body image. When I feel good about myself, when I like who I am, I feel “skinny”. When I make a mistake, when I’m not 100% perfect, I feel “fat”.
Do you ever wonder why it is that you can wake up feeling good about your appearance, but by the end of the day feel certain that you have gained twenty pounds? Sometimes it doesn’t even take all day for the shift in mindset - it can seem to happen in an instant. But usually there's a precipitating event, something that triggered such self-critical thoughts about your body.
One explanation for our reliance on "I feel fat" is that we might not know how to identify feelings other than “fat.”Our culture discourages us from complaining, or otherwise expressing dissatisfaction with aspects of our lives other than our body image. Because of this we may not be comfortable identifying and articulating our feelings. Considering that we learn at a young age that complaining about our bodies is socially acceptable and even encouraged, we may not have a lot of practice identifying feelings other than "fat."
Dr. Stacy Nye a specialist in the field of eating disorders describes this, “Saying I feel fat can often be a common denominator for a variety of powerful forces, especially dysphoric moods.”(Dysphoric = an emotional state characterized by anxiety, depression, or unease.) “The problem comes when a person is unable to decipher these moods and they get condensed into a final common denominator – feeling fat” Says Dr. Nye.
In addition, we might have been so unhappy about our appearance for so long that we see it as the cause of all problems. The explanation for the state of our life might be, "Of course I'm unhappy - I'm so fat." Body dissatisfaction becomes the explanation for the problems in our lives. Though destructive, this narrative may be rooted in an attempt at self-preservation. Our psyches tend to steer us toward things we can tolerate, and away from those which are messy, overwhelming, or threatening. Proclaiming "I feel fat" becomes so routine, so part of our daily monologue, that we aren't even aware of how often we say it.
When I find myself stewing in negative vitriol about my body, I try to step back and take stock. What am I really feeling? Could there be more going on than dissatisfaction with my body? Has something happened to agitate me?
How often do you find yourself complaining that you "feel fat"? Do you find yourself using these words after a stressful event? Or is "I feel fat" part of your routine, everyday dialogue?
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| Thrifted white sleeveless top; thrifted vintage skirt; Old Navy flip flops; Buffalo Exchange vintage bag; Dolly Python leather cuff |
Sexy outfit!
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