In 10 Things I Hate About You, I was told that black underwear means you plan on having sex. A recent survey kind of confirms it.
A friend emailed me this completely baffling little poll described thusly by the Daily Mail. Oh, Daily Mail...you are truly the gift that keeps on giving. One day I will move to London and wallpaper my apartment with delicious little tidbits from your glossy patriarchal pages. Anyways. According to the article, psychologist Donna Dawson looked at different colors of underwear that women tend to purchase and what that reveals about our innermost souls. According to the Mail, “Dawson drew up her list after a poll for laundry experts Dr Beckmann found almost three quarters of women now opt for ‘nude’ underwear - which means they have ‘nothing to hide’.
Celebrity endorsements are attributed to the rise in popularity of 'nude' underwear. The Mail quotes Eva Mendes on the subject and shows pictures of Mendes and Katy Perry in lingerie to support the undie position of the majority. I'll agree that most undergarments come in peach, taupe, and white, and let's face it: those colors go with everything, whether you're wearing transparent clothing or not. But here's the kicker. According to the poll, if you’re part of that 75%, you’re “Relaxed, with nothing to hide.” The other choices?
Red: Passionate, energetic and driven
Pink: Romantic, gentle and in need of affection
Black: Powerful but sultry
White: Innocent, but open to suggestion
A friend emailed me this completely baffling little poll described thusly by the Daily Mail. Oh, Daily Mail...you are truly the gift that keeps on giving. One day I will move to London and wallpaper my apartment with delicious little tidbits from your glossy patriarchal pages. Anyways. According to the article, psychologist Donna Dawson looked at different colors of underwear that women tend to purchase and what that reveals about our innermost souls. According to the Mail, “Dawson drew up her list after a poll for laundry experts Dr Beckmann found almost three quarters of women now opt for ‘nude’ underwear - which means they have ‘nothing to hide’.
Celebrity endorsements are attributed to the rise in popularity of 'nude' underwear. The Mail quotes Eva Mendes on the subject and shows pictures of Mendes and Katy Perry in lingerie to support the undie position of the majority. I'll agree that most undergarments come in peach, taupe, and white, and let's face it: those colors go with everything, whether you're wearing transparent clothing or not. But here's the kicker. According to the poll, if you’re part of that 75%, you’re “Relaxed, with nothing to hide.” The other choices?
Red: Passionate, energetic and driven
Pink: Romantic, gentle and in need of affection
Black: Powerful but sultry
White: Innocent, but open to suggestion
This is like proclaiming a mood ring accurately predicts your mood.
Here’s the deeply scientific, methodical process I go through when choosing my underthings for the day:
Black: I’m wearing black clothes, or I’m (ahem) on the rag.
Nude: I’m wearing clothes that may show through in the sunlight.
White: I’m wearing light clothes.
Any other color/pattern: They’re clean and on the top of the underwear pile.
Darn! It appears I’m a passionate, energetic, driven, romantic, gentle, needy, powerful, sultry, innocent girl. Oh, wait. I just own more than one pair of underwear in varying colors.
Daily Mail, what’s are the psychological implications behind my mass of different colored and patterned cotton boyshorts? And my non-cotton panties? And THONGS??? What do purple low-rise underwear with white birds on them mean? And what if I can’t remember the color of my underwear today because I was really tired this morning and just grabbed the first ones my hand could find while half asleep? Personally, I prefer Hanes hipsters in the 5 pack.
DOES THAT MEAN I'M CHEAP?? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO INSINUATE, DAILY MAIL?
First of all, let's take note that each color meaning has a not-so-subtle nod towards sexual appetite, behavior or need. There is no “I am not interested in sex with you, sir, no matter what you may think of my panty color” option. If you're wearing underwear, it is assumed you're raring to go. I adore the fact that apparently there are no colors for "feeling quite crappy about my body this morning" or “would rather have a nice cup of tea." And I love that they’re kind of telling people to use their panties to subversively lie about their personalities. Perhaps you’re a siren who knows what she wants in bed, but you’d hate for the new man in your life to realize that. Just remember your undie color coding scheme next time you’re at the store and buy pink or white instead. Well done, Daily Mail. What ever would we do without you?
Of course, like most polls published in trashy magazines, this one is total and complete crap. Amusing, but crap. If, like most of the world, you find you either don’t fall into a single category or don’t find all colors equally flattering or else have been brainwashed by decades of advertising that have branded red and black “sexy,” well, WORRY NOT. You can still be passionate and sultry even in pink.
Here’s the deeply scientific, methodical process I go through when choosing my underthings for the day:
Black: I’m wearing black clothes, or I’m (ahem) on the rag.
Nude: I’m wearing clothes that may show through in the sunlight.
White: I’m wearing light clothes.
Any other color/pattern: They’re clean and on the top of the underwear pile.
Darn! It appears I’m a passionate, energetic, driven, romantic, gentle, needy, powerful, sultry, innocent girl. Oh, wait. I just own more than one pair of underwear in varying colors.
Daily Mail, what’s are the psychological implications behind my mass of different colored and patterned cotton boyshorts? And my non-cotton panties? And THONGS??? What do purple low-rise underwear with white birds on them mean? And what if I can’t remember the color of my underwear today because I was really tired this morning and just grabbed the first ones my hand could find while half asleep? Personally, I prefer Hanes hipsters in the 5 pack.
DOES THAT MEAN I'M CHEAP?? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO INSINUATE, DAILY MAIL?
First of all, let's take note that each color meaning has a not-so-subtle nod towards sexual appetite, behavior or need. There is no “I am not interested in sex with you, sir, no matter what you may think of my panty color” option. If you're wearing underwear, it is assumed you're raring to go. I adore the fact that apparently there are no colors for "feeling quite crappy about my body this morning" or “would rather have a nice cup of tea." And I love that they’re kind of telling people to use their panties to subversively lie about their personalities. Perhaps you’re a siren who knows what she wants in bed, but you’d hate for the new man in your life to realize that. Just remember your undie color coding scheme next time you’re at the store and buy pink or white instead. Well done, Daily Mail. What ever would we do without you?
Of course, like most polls published in trashy magazines, this one is total and complete crap. Amusing, but crap. If, like most of the world, you find you either don’t fall into a single category or don’t find all colors equally flattering or else have been brainwashed by decades of advertising that have branded red and black “sexy,” well, WORRY NOT. You can still be passionate and sultry even in pink.
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| Vintage white lace blouse; Target tank (under blouse); thrifted self-made cutoffs; Old Navy belt; Gap sandals; estate sale vintage clutch; Charming Charlie bracelets |
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