I was bullied in middle school for a wide variety of reasons. I was too short, too chubby, too weak to defend myself, too much of a daydreamer, and too disinterested in the things other girls my age found important. I was also a band geek and always had my nose in a book. In addition, I hit puberty well before the other girls in my grade. Students - in particular, other girls - mocked the way I walked, dressed and talked. Matt Goerning once declared, in his Life In Hell comic, that junior high is the deepest pit in hell. I'm likely to agree.
I've never met anyone who has overwhelmingly fond memories of middle school. And it's no wonder. Between the ages of 12-14, puberty starts changing everyone, both mentally and physically, creating an atmosphere of hormonal overload, anxiety, and awkwardness. You are, as Britney would say, "not a girl, not yet a woman," but attempting to find that middle ground and shape it into some semblance of an identity can be a daunting task, particularly if you don't have anyone to show you the way. It's even more difficult when you consider the social structure of middle school: it's difficult to find a sense of self when you're constantly being judged by everyone else.
Unfortunately, bullying is not limited to adolescence. While the topic of bullying has received increasing attention, the focus has largely pertained on school-aged boys and girls. However, I can guarantee that we all have know adults - women in particular - who are just as adept at bullying as their elementary school counterparts. As adults, we are bullied because we are successful, or aren't successful; have children or choose to be child-free; are happily single, or married for years; are prosperous or living paycheck by paycheck.
As bloggers, the bullying goes further. We are bullied because of the way we dress; whether our posts contain too many photos or too few; whether we talk about our personal lives or leave that information out. Let me be clear that there is a distinction between being criticized and being bullied - criticism is constructive and contains no negative or malicious intend, while bullying is an aggressive behavior defined by personal attacks with the intent to cause harm. Some of us have been bullied through nasty comments left at the end of posts. Others are bullied on Twitter and Facebook. Some are targeted directly through email. And still others have been bullied through a particularly heinous website that specifically targets bloggers (I will not name the site, as I do not want to increase their traffic. If you are a knowledgeable blogger, you know which site I am referring to.)
The internet lends itself to bullying because of the cloak of anonymity - one can attack and avoid counterattack. Blog bullies hide behind anonymous identities and the absence of face-to-face contact. They cling to one another on forums. On the website I mentioned, members venomously target bloggers through name-calling, body snarking and outright intimidation. Specific bloggers are called hags, fatties, narcissists and worse. Psychologists say the distance between cyberbully and victim has lead to an unprecedented - and often intentional - degree of brutality. Users can inflict pain without being forced to see its effect. Cyberbullying brings meanness to a new level, as it is public, and it invites others to join in on a much wider scale than is possible in person. Anything on the web can circulate for years, and can be googled. It’s humiliation to a new depth.
These blog bullies are often the same people who were the schoolyard bullies. We teach our kids to stand their ground and inform responsible adults. Internet bloggers need to do the same. The ideal scenario is for a blog to monitor its postings and delete the many antagonistic bullying comments that occur. Deleting comments is an immediate, direct, and consistent response to bullying and simply ends the bully's virtual existence online. Responding to comments and emails doesn't work well, because the cowardice of anonymity provides defense.
In addition, resisting the temptation to address the bully through Twitter or by responding on forums is an effective way to avoid further attack. I noticed some bloggers (and their supporters) defending themselves on the website I mentioned, only to be flamed even worse as a result. I also observed that other bloggers attempted to befriend the bullies, perhaps to avoid being targeted, only to be stabbed in the back a few threads later. Don't feed the trolls.
The vast majority of readers of blogs, just like most schoolchildren, are neither bullies or willing to be bullied. They want to talk and interact like normal human beings. They may not agree, they may not want to be friends, but at least they are willing to put their names behind their ideas, or they are willing to discuss their ideas civilly. Bloggers need to say what they want to say, and, with the delete button, nonviolently resist the bullies of the internet. Unfortunately, as long as there are blogs, there will be cyberbullying. How we choose to respond to is up to us.
Now I ask you - have you been a target of cyberblog bullying? Have you noticed other bloggers being targeted? Were you ever bullied when you were younger? Do you have any advice for dealing with blog bullies?
I've never met anyone who has overwhelmingly fond memories of middle school. And it's no wonder. Between the ages of 12-14, puberty starts changing everyone, both mentally and physically, creating an atmosphere of hormonal overload, anxiety, and awkwardness. You are, as Britney would say, "not a girl, not yet a woman," but attempting to find that middle ground and shape it into some semblance of an identity can be a daunting task, particularly if you don't have anyone to show you the way. It's even more difficult when you consider the social structure of middle school: it's difficult to find a sense of self when you're constantly being judged by everyone else.
Unfortunately, bullying is not limited to adolescence. While the topic of bullying has received increasing attention, the focus has largely pertained on school-aged boys and girls. However, I can guarantee that we all have know adults - women in particular - who are just as adept at bullying as their elementary school counterparts. As adults, we are bullied because we are successful, or aren't successful; have children or choose to be child-free; are happily single, or married for years; are prosperous or living paycheck by paycheck.
As bloggers, the bullying goes further. We are bullied because of the way we dress; whether our posts contain too many photos or too few; whether we talk about our personal lives or leave that information out. Let me be clear that there is a distinction between being criticized and being bullied - criticism is constructive and contains no negative or malicious intend, while bullying is an aggressive behavior defined by personal attacks with the intent to cause harm. Some of us have been bullied through nasty comments left at the end of posts. Others are bullied on Twitter and Facebook. Some are targeted directly through email. And still others have been bullied through a particularly heinous website that specifically targets bloggers (I will not name the site, as I do not want to increase their traffic. If you are a knowledgeable blogger, you know which site I am referring to.)
The internet lends itself to bullying because of the cloak of anonymity - one can attack and avoid counterattack. Blog bullies hide behind anonymous identities and the absence of face-to-face contact. They cling to one another on forums. On the website I mentioned, members venomously target bloggers through name-calling, body snarking and outright intimidation. Specific bloggers are called hags, fatties, narcissists and worse. Psychologists say the distance between cyberbully and victim has lead to an unprecedented - and often intentional - degree of brutality. Users can inflict pain without being forced to see its effect. Cyberbullying brings meanness to a new level, as it is public, and it invites others to join in on a much wider scale than is possible in person. Anything on the web can circulate for years, and can be googled. It’s humiliation to a new depth.
These blog bullies are often the same people who were the schoolyard bullies. We teach our kids to stand their ground and inform responsible adults. Internet bloggers need to do the same. The ideal scenario is for a blog to monitor its postings and delete the many antagonistic bullying comments that occur. Deleting comments is an immediate, direct, and consistent response to bullying and simply ends the bully's virtual existence online. Responding to comments and emails doesn't work well, because the cowardice of anonymity provides defense.
In addition, resisting the temptation to address the bully through Twitter or by responding on forums is an effective way to avoid further attack. I noticed some bloggers (and their supporters) defending themselves on the website I mentioned, only to be flamed even worse as a result. I also observed that other bloggers attempted to befriend the bullies, perhaps to avoid being targeted, only to be stabbed in the back a few threads later. Don't feed the trolls.
The vast majority of readers of blogs, just like most schoolchildren, are neither bullies or willing to be bullied. They want to talk and interact like normal human beings. They may not agree, they may not want to be friends, but at least they are willing to put their names behind their ideas, or they are willing to discuss their ideas civilly. Bloggers need to say what they want to say, and, with the delete button, nonviolently resist the bullies of the internet. Unfortunately, as long as there are blogs, there will be cyberbullying. How we choose to respond to is up to us.
Now I ask you - have you been a target of cyberblog bullying? Have you noticed other bloggers being targeted? Were you ever bullied when you were younger? Do you have any advice for dealing with blog bullies?
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